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A letter from God

Dear Christianity,

Here’s the story:

A Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul, which will allow you to live forever in a heaven where everything is as it should be. This is a force that is present in humanity because a woman, created from a rib, was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Yeah, that’s the story we’re going with.

GOD

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4 responses to “A letter from God

  1. Dear God,

    We assume you’re being sarcastic about that being the story we’re going with but, despite how patently ridiculous the story may sound and be, we’ve collected a lot of money by repeating it over the years. And it got us Sundays off. So it’s worked for us.

    Christianity

  2. No Stick Figures ⋅

    Dear Christianity,

    Let’s keep going with what works. No need to start supporting rational thought now.

    Keep up the good work.

    God

  3. Miss Caught Up ⋅

    Dear Deity of Christianity,

    Can you catch a fart and paint it green? 😀 Oh, and why does Jesus’ blood taste like red wine? Was he a drunk?

    The Independent

  4. No Stick Figures ⋅

    Dear The Independent,

    I am the Almighty. I can not only take a fart and paint it green–I can take a fart, paint it green, put it in a bottle, and make you think it smells good. Can you say “Polo, by Ralph Lauren”?

    If your mom kept telling everyone you were conceived by immaculate conception, wouldn’t you be a drunk too?

    Any more questions?

    God

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