A letter from God

Dear Christianity,

Here’s the story:

A Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul, which will allow you to live forever in a heaven where everything is as it should be. This is a force that is present in humanity because a woman, created from a rib, was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Yeah, that’s the story we’re going with.

GOD

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Living will

Last night my friend and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She’s such a bitch.