A letter from God

Dear Christianity,

Here’s the story:

A Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul, which will allow you to live forever in a heaven where everything is as it should be. This is a force that is present in humanity because a woman, created from a rib, was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Yeah, that’s the story we’re going with.



SDA education, the pros and cons–part 1

Well, we’re a month into the school year and I’m having my first misgivings about The Goose attending an SDA school.

Background: my husband was “raised” SDA but does not actively practice (thank God–pun intended 😉 ). About half of his family does not only actively practice, they are very active members of both the church and the school (things like helping run the PTA, teaching Sabbath school, etc.). I do not practice SDA, I will never practice SDA, and am, in fact, not really a fan of any organized religion. To set the record straight, however, I DO BELIEVE IN GOD.

You’re getting ready to ask me why I’m sending my kid to an SDA school, and there’s 1 main reason: public education in America sucks! But I digress. That’s actually a different post.

Back to The Goose. He came home Friday from school, bubbling with questions and eager to tell me about his day. The conversation went something like this:

Goose: “Mommy, why if you don’t have food or something to drink you’ll die?”

Mommy: “Because you’re body needs food and drink. That’s what makes our bodies work.”

Goose: “Because that’s how God made us?”

Mommy: “Yep, that’s how God made us.” [I don’t discourage Christian teachings to an extent–remember, I do believe in God]

Goose: “But why would he make us die without food or something to drink” [the kid’s too smart for his own good]

Mommy: “Honey, why are you asking me about this? You’re not going to die. We have plenty of food and water.” [me, trying to change the subject]

Goose: “In chapel today, they showed us pictures on the TV, while a man on the stage with a microphone told us stories. One of the pictures was a little boy, and the man said he was dying because he didn’t have enough to eat and drink.”

Mommy: “Really. Are you sure that’s what the man said?” [Ok, what the hell are they trying to teach my son?]

Goose: “Uh-huh. He also showed us a picture of a person with no arms and he said Satan had cut them off.”

Mommy: “Interesting. Honey, Satan didn’t cut off anyone’s arms. I’m sure it was just a story. Why don’t you go in and start a movie…” […while I call the school and see what the f*** is up…]

After more discussion with his cousin who was in chapel as well, she did confirm the baby/dying pic, but couldn’t confirm, nor deny the Satan-cutting-off-limbs story. I guess I’ll be calling the teacher tomorrow. I don’t care what religion you are, it is never acceptable to show these types of pictures to children. Hell, it’s not always acceptable to show these pictures to adults.

To be continued…